Boy/Girl Test

A couple of days ago I had dinner for my birthday with my family and James family. At the table the gender of the baby came up as what it may potentially be and my mom and his mom made a "bet". I found it funny because it sounded like a game. At times I also wonder what the sex is from the perspective of just knowing...lol It raises my curiosity. I have my 20 week ultrasound in about 5 weeks.
The other day one of the girls at work told me about this boy/girl test. My first thought was..."yeah, I'm going to  go buy it tonight and find out!" As I was driving home I passed a Walgreen's and thought about the test. I asked myself "must I really find out right now? Why can't I wait the 5 weeks?" A point of inpatients arose. I figured it was all stirred up by the dinner with the families and their "bets". I breathed in and out...I said "there is no need for me to hurry, my curiosity was simply a mind energy driven by a bet."
Another point I noticed was that I leaned to wanting a girl more than a boy. In the past I definitely wanted a girl and I had to do some SF on this point because it was caused by the point that my Ex wanted a boy so it was a polarity/competition point. Right now at times I still find myself preferring a girl and looking at myself now and in the past it has to do with me connecting easier with girls than with boys. That is interesting.
Well I am ready to face it whatever you are baby :)

http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page (who we are, what we do)

http://desteni.org/ (investigate topics of interests and self)

http://equalmoney.org/ (place your vote for Equal Money System)

http://eqafe.com/ (purchase products and support Equal Money System)

Writer's Notebook and Journal

In resent lesson in my literacy and writing class we discussed the idea of a writer's notebook.  A writer's notebook is something a person can carry around with them and record anything that is of interest, that has been observed or occurred. It is like a sketch book but in words. It is different than a journal or diary because it is meant to collect information which may be used later to be elaborated and taken at deeper level. At class we were required to pick a notebook and decorated (as in make it "ours"-personalized it). The one I did I did not particularly enjoy because I was not serious about making it my writer's notebook, it was rather an objective of the class requirements. It was interesting for me to learn that all writers keep a writer's notebook and collect pieces of writings which later is extended to create books.

A week later I came across a notebook someone gave to me recently and I was not sure what to do with it. I saw it as the perfect "my" notebook. I decided to start using it for a mixture of a writer's notebook and a journal, to write down ideas and insights I come across during the day time so then i can later elaborate and share in a blog. I chose this as a form of assistance to my writing because throughout the day I often will have small realizations which later on I will not remember because of other things occurring throughout the day. 

I also find it useful to write down on paper first and then transfer to the laptop. For the longest time I had an inner debate to which method is more effective and both have their pros and cons, so I have decided when possible/necessary to use both.  

This is a cool way for children to learn about writing and sharing themselves, so in future it is something I would definitely introduce to my child and the children I will be teaching.

http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page (who we are, what we do)

http://desteni.org/ (investigate topics of interests and self)

http://equalmoney.org/ (place your vote for Equal Money System)

http://eqafe.com/ (purchase products and support Equal Money System)

Maternity Clothes

Today I went into a clothing store to look for some "more relaxed belly clothes". What I found interesting is that I resisted looking at maternity clothes but at the same time as I looked at clothes I would typically buy such as a skirt or jeans (not maternity) I also resisted buying. I noticed I was walking into circles around the store..LoL

When looking at the clothes I would typically buy I thought "there is no point to get those clothes now because I won't be able to wear them within the coming up months". When looking at maternity clothes I thought "I do not want to spent the money on clothes I will wear only during pregnancy and I will not enjoy post pregnancy".
But the reality is that I will need to buy some maternity clothing because at some point in the coming up months I will no longer be able to wear my normal clothes. I already have trouble buttoning up my jeans or pants. I have moved up to sweat pants only because they are more stretchy.

However when I look at the situation more in depth it is not about the money that I will be spending it is about the fact that the maternity clothes will be useless after I give birth. Because my body shape does not change that much through the years...or rather it has not changed that much I have always been able to wear clothing I buy for explained amount of period. It is seasoned so I do not wear it year long and I have clothing from probably 5 years ago.  What is occurring here is that something new is happening and I am not used to it...and I am seeing a resistance towards the change. So a point to work on is the change I am experiencing with my body in relation to clothes.

http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page (who we are, what we do)

http://desteni.org/ (investigate topics of interests and self)

http://equalmoney.org/ (place your vote for Equal Money System)

http://eqafe.com/ (purchase products and support Equal Money System)

First Trimester Pregnancy

I have had a tough first trimester in my pregnancy from the perspective of how I experienced myself within the physical body. Morning sickness began at week 5 and it continued throughout week 13. During those 8 weeks I was not able to function fully around my environment, I felt mostly pissed at every one and suffered at work because I was not in a physical condition to assist the children and create and carry activities throughout the day. I felt tired, the smell of the center made me sick, I experienced distancing myself from the people around me not wanting to be touched. I would go home and sleep, try eating. Any time I needed to do something like my laundry or feed the cats I had to force myself to get up from bed. I experienced myself dizzy, smell of food was repelling and I can only eat a few of certain types of food. I was on the "sandwich" diet. Everything led down to falling away from my "path" at Desteni. I was not willing to write or share or even move myself throughout the day. I constantly wanted to lay and thoughts began to accumulate. In a chat with Sunette we established that I had fallen into a form of a depression. We elaborated on the "I don't want to be touched part" which indicated that I had totally separated myself from the physical and gone into my mind, living in my mind while I was laying down. I thought of all the things I needed to do, but it ended up only as a thought and no real self direction, motivation or initiative to take self direction. At some moments I felt pissed at myself that I had to experience such bullshit as morning sickness. I was driving one time in the car and I cursed at the idea and uselessness of morning sickness.
After the chat with Sunette and beginning to feel alive again (even though the morning sickness was still there just not as bad) I began to pick myself up and to clear up the mess I had created. I am breathing and taking tasks slowly. School began so now I have homework and reading to work on but I am no longer experiencing myself death so to say.
I am looking forward the second trimester and to start enjoying the pregnancy and getting a sense for the baby growing inside of me, start communicating with it. I am to find out the sex at 20 weeks so that should be exiting. I suspect it is a girl, but of course I can be wrong. I know that whatever the sex is it will be what's to be faced and what's to come to it's best presentation...hahah
It's interesting b/c I found myself obsessing over to guess what the sex of the baby is by reading online "predictions" from symptoms to dreams and what not. So I had to breath and let go of this obsession.
This is is for first trimester!

http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page (who we are, what we do)

http://desteni.org/ (investigate topics of interests and self)

http://equalmoney.org/ (place your vote for Equal Money System)

http://eqafe.com/ (purchase products and support Equal Money System)

The importance of a "good credit" in the current money system!

Let's look at some information about credit and how important it is to have a good score in order to be able to get a good interest rate from the banks for required loans.
The first point is that very few people out there in the current system can walk into a dealership and say: Here is the money I want this car!" and have the car paid in full up front. Chances are you and I and most living (I will refer to the States here because that is where I live and that is what I am familiar with) here will not have the immediate cash to purchase such expensive items. As a person living in the US, I am required to have a form of transportation that is not the bus or train. I live in a suburban area that requires me to have a car to get around to work and shops and ya know the usual palaces. It is difficult to share a car with someone because we all know we got different schedules and of course it becomes a point of dependency and it is time consuming.
So how does one build credit history? One would have to start with a credit card. Chances are this first credit card will be at a horrible interest rate and the money given will be not of a large amount. I started off with 500 bucks available credit. Also I had to use the card in order to actually begin building the credit. Well after awhile all of the sudden I became "wanted". All those credit card offers in the mail were insane. Then of course as a student I needed money for this and for that....so I opened a few other credit cards. Then came the day that I had to purchase my own car, first as a co-signer, later on my own name. So I had quite a few open credit out there and it kept getting bigger as what I made per month was less than what I needed per month. Of course there were unexpected emergencies and other things that came up and required money.
Money, Money, Money! A fucked up story within this current money system we accept and allow for ourselves.
One day, about 5 years ago, a "friend" came to me and asked me for help. She had a situation where her credit score got so messed up that she couldn't finance a car. So (back then I was naive and believed in friendships and had not the slightest idea of how credit history works and what it meant to put my name on the line for someone else that I apparently can trust). When we went to purchase the car, I became the primary owner of the "her" car. I signed those papers with the black ink, agreeing to pay for the next 7 years. I had no emotional reactions, no fears...and also no experience with how fucked up this decision was....I was helping a friend in need, I trusted her.
Well time passed and for various reasons we stopped talking so the only link to her was the car. She had missed, late payments. I got the letters in the mail, there were plenty of discussions with her. I knew it was not her fault directly that she could not afford the payments but the responsibility stood, because that was the reality. And in those terms I cannot blame her, but accept the responsibility for accepting and allowing to be the primary owner of the car. I also am playing out the consequences of not doing something about it earlier, but letting her slide it off.
Today, I went to purchase a new car for myself, and I got denied the finance because of my credit score which is now destroyed. And then I was told that if that other car gets repossessed, then my chances of getting any kind of loan for a long time will be none.
I find myself in a sticky situation, because the car I have right now needs new tires, spends a ton of gas (also something I did not consider when buying due to lack of experience) and has a higher payment that I would like it to be. There has obviously been and will be some changes to come with my pregnancy and baby on the way. I was making my way for future references money wise and now because of the credit score I am not able to do this on my own. Luckily, my dad is by my side to assist me with what ever he can. I am grateful for his support as now he is to put his name on the line for me. However I know better, then to "fuck" him over in the same manner that I have been. If everything works fine I should have a gas efficient and reasonable payment car within next week. And my next step is to insist that my name be taken off my "friend's" car so that I can start building my credit back up. This is will my part of accepting responsibility for my lousy action back in the day and correcting myself. Lesson here is, do not ever cosign or put your name on the line for people that are not reliable, or proven themselves to be reliable. It is a risk, so unless I am prepare to take the fall (which I definitely was not) then it is not in the best interest of both parties to be done. There is more to saying: "this person is my friend and they need help", there is a responsibility being taken, an agreement between two people, and if one person is not doing their part, then the agreement is obviously not being held up. With most people I can never know since they are not practicing any form of self correction to know that the accepted responsibility will have the according consequences. In my case, I should not have sign those papers knowing that if she is NOT able to pay...then I cannot pay it either.

The more fucked up part however is this system. I keep wondering, what if everyone had the cash to just go in and say" here is the cash, I want this car". That would never be possible within this system. And again just like all my other blogs here that speak about money and this system.....I have no doubt in myself that the solution is with the Equal Money System. So much bullshit can simply vanish, so much abuse will simply vanish. People are greedy for money because we have created ourselves to be this way, because we live in a greedy money system world. I mean I can see this trait in myself...from the perspective that I want to buy the car at the least price possible...and they want to sell me the car at the highest price possible. That makes sense in this money system...I mean of course i would want the discount, of course I would want to pay less....and of course they would want to get the higher incentive of selling me the car.  This shit of messed up. I have no other option but to be this way within the current system. I don't want to...but I have to. It is a point of survival, just like everything else within this greedy money system. I would love for everyone to have the chance to walk in and put the cash down. That would be a awesome day! NO hassles, no bargaining. You get what you pay for and most importantly NO credit bullshit required! There will be a whole new meaning to the word BANK!
So YES I am one vote for an equal money system...til this shit is done!

http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page (who we are, what we do)

http://desteni.org/ (investigate topics of interests and self)

http://equalmoney.org/ (place your vote for Equal Money System)

http://eqafe.com/ (purchase products and support Equal Money System)

Irritations at work

One of my biggest irritations at work are the long hours that I am required to work.
I wake up in the morning at 630ish. I get to work by 730. Then my whole day is basically spent there. I am supposed to be out by 430, however that is never the case. I get an hour unpaid break to make 8 hours for the day.  But in reality I am there for 9hours and plus.
When I get home I am exausted and if there were things I had to take care of I no longer have the will to do so. And there are plenty of other things to be done around the house, desteni related things, and actual time for a pleasant fun activity.

I see myself slacking a lot of the time, because when the weekend comes I dont know where to begin...lol so most of the time I end up doing nothing of any of the things I would have planned to do for myself.  When I worked less hours I was able to plan myself much better. I looked at some of my written work last year and there was so much more imput. I was writing poems, I was more active in desteni, I was more active with myslf in general. This sucks. I certainly do not plan on staying at this job for too long for the only outcome I get of it is my tiny paycheck to take care of monthly bills. And even then it is not enough. The other outcome is the actual work I get to do with the toddlers. However that only lasts upto a certain point of the day-as much as I can give to them. Afterwards I start to loose patience and want to leave. It would be nice if it was half days and 2 shifts.

The other irritation is having to be by myself all day because of how they have set up their system. The ratio is 1 teacher per 5 toddlers. A second teacher should be a requirement. As one prepares activities, the other can be occupied with the children. There is always multiple things that need to be done around the room and having to watch the children and do others things by myself is def not in the best interest of the children and the teacher. 

I wake up fresh everyday willing to do things and move myself, only to spent all day at work and not do any of the things I was willing to do. 

That will not be an option with the equal money system!  Common sense will be applied!

http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page (who we are, what we do)

http://desteni.org/ (investigate topics of interests and self)

http://equalmoney.org/ (place your vote for Equal Money System)

http://eqafe.com/ (purchase products and support Equal Money System)

Spoiling "OUR" Children

I have been working with the toddler for some time now and there is an emerging pattern I notice in most of them that has to do with difficulty in following directions when asked to do something or not to do something.
I will focus on two recent cases for this discussion.
One occurred last week when I was placed into the 2's room to cover for someone else. This is not my room and I do not actually work with these children on daily basis, however I am familiar with some of the children in the room. This room is known to be aggressive because from what I have heard the children are off the hook, hitting, and annoying each other just for the "fun" of it. One of the boys was spitting on the floor. I clearly asked him not to spit on the floor at which point he continued (he did understand me, so it wasn't like he did not hear or comprehend what I said). I asked him again and still no response. At that point I got up and raised my voice saying: "Did you hear what I said? I asked you to stop spitting!!! Go and wipe your mouth!" He told me "NO!"
I grabbed him by the hand to the sink, took a tissue and wiped his mouth, and said "This is NOT an option!". He began to cry and wiggle around throwing a tantrum.  I left him alone. His mom came to pick him up and by the way she interacted with him, it explained so much about his behavior. She came in, he immediately began to fake cry and said he had an "ouchy".(I suppose sometime throughout the day he had bumped himself on something). Her response "Aww, let me see, where is it? Are you ok? (in this manner of "baby talk"). Next, she wanted to leave but her boy was playing around the room and needed to put his shoes on. She asked him to put his shoes on so that they can go, and he refused. She started begging him to put his shoes on, and finally after 5 minutes he did. Then she had to beg him to leave.

I find this parent behavior unacceptable, as she is letting her 2.5 year old son walk over her. Then I have to wonder why he cannot follow a simple direction.

Next day he was in my room and he was bothering one of the other boys, spitting at him and annoying him. The other boy was upset and kept crying for about 2 hours because he wanted to get picked up. I asked the boy to stop bothering the other boy. Again, I had to ask about 5 times, before I got up, pulled him away, again had to raise my voice and clearly stating that "You need some better listening skills! I asked you to step away from your friend and leave him alone, this is NOT an option or a game!" He immediately began to cry and told me NO, at which point I said YES, it is a simple direction!" For the remainder of the 20 minutes he kept crying for his other teacher.

Just today, something similar with the shoe scenario happened with one of the girls in the classroom. Her mom came to pick her up and wanted her to put her shoes on so that they can leave. The girl refused. Her mom began to give her option "Can you please put your shoes on?"...."Do you want me to carry you?"...."Look it is raining outside, please put your shoes on...." and so on.

The pattern I am noticing here is that boy's mother is allowing her son to manipulate her with fake cry, and allowing herself to have to beg him to do something.
With the other parent, she is trying to give the girl options and choices when it is clearly not a negotiable point or and option to begin with.
In both cases the parents are allowing self abuse and the abuse from their children to built up. Today it's the shoes, tomorrow will be something bigger.
What is not being realized here is that there is certain times when clear directions need to be followed and times when there will be choices presented to pick from. It all does down to the parent self direction and how they handle it and what is being allowed to happen!
If there is one thing i will not stand for, is the abuse of whiny children, the fake cry, the having to repeat myself more than twice, or once depending on the situation. It is to use a clear voice when something is simply unacceptable. It is unacceptable to have to ask your child more than twice to put their shoes on...it is even more unacceptable having to beg them to do it.

The problem is lack of self discipline thus it starts to reflect on our children and how we are with our children. The two polarities here are very strict parents where children are afraid of, or very easy going parents that allow their children to walk all over them.
So NO, I will not be "nice" when it comes down to giving clear directions that are avoided. I raise my voice with self direction (not emotionally) and if that shakens them up a bit, well good, maybe next time they will know that walking all over is NOT allowed with me.

http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page (who we are, what we do)

http://desteni.org/ (investigate topics of interests and self)

http://equalmoney.org/ (place your vote for Equal Money System)

http://eqafe.com/ (purchase products and support Equal Money System)