Spoiling "OUR" Children

I have been working with the toddler for some time now and there is an emerging pattern I notice in most of them that has to do with difficulty in following directions when asked to do something or not to do something.
I will focus on two recent cases for this discussion.
One occurred last week when I was placed into the 2's room to cover for someone else. This is not my room and I do not actually work with these children on daily basis, however I am familiar with some of the children in the room. This room is known to be aggressive because from what I have heard the children are off the hook, hitting, and annoying each other just for the "fun" of it. One of the boys was spitting on the floor. I clearly asked him not to spit on the floor at which point he continued (he did understand me, so it wasn't like he did not hear or comprehend what I said). I asked him again and still no response. At that point I got up and raised my voice saying: "Did you hear what I said? I asked you to stop spitting!!! Go and wipe your mouth!" He told me "NO!"
I grabbed him by the hand to the sink, took a tissue and wiped his mouth, and said "This is NOT an option!". He began to cry and wiggle around throwing a tantrum.  I left him alone. His mom came to pick him up and by the way she interacted with him, it explained so much about his behavior. She came in, he immediately began to fake cry and said he had an "ouchy".(I suppose sometime throughout the day he had bumped himself on something). Her response "Aww, let me see, where is it? Are you ok? (in this manner of "baby talk"). Next, she wanted to leave but her boy was playing around the room and needed to put his shoes on. She asked him to put his shoes on so that they can go, and he refused. She started begging him to put his shoes on, and finally after 5 minutes he did. Then she had to beg him to leave.

I find this parent behavior unacceptable, as she is letting her 2.5 year old son walk over her. Then I have to wonder why he cannot follow a simple direction.

Next day he was in my room and he was bothering one of the other boys, spitting at him and annoying him. The other boy was upset and kept crying for about 2 hours because he wanted to get picked up. I asked the boy to stop bothering the other boy. Again, I had to ask about 5 times, before I got up, pulled him away, again had to raise my voice and clearly stating that "You need some better listening skills! I asked you to step away from your friend and leave him alone, this is NOT an option or a game!" He immediately began to cry and told me NO, at which point I said YES, it is a simple direction!" For the remainder of the 20 minutes he kept crying for his other teacher.

Just today, something similar with the shoe scenario happened with one of the girls in the classroom. Her mom came to pick her up and wanted her to put her shoes on so that they can leave. The girl refused. Her mom began to give her option "Can you please put your shoes on?"...."Do you want me to carry you?"...."Look it is raining outside, please put your shoes on...." and so on.

The pattern I am noticing here is that boy's mother is allowing her son to manipulate her with fake cry, and allowing herself to have to beg him to do something.
With the other parent, she is trying to give the girl options and choices when it is clearly not a negotiable point or and option to begin with.
In both cases the parents are allowing self abuse and the abuse from their children to built up. Today it's the shoes, tomorrow will be something bigger.
What is not being realized here is that there is certain times when clear directions need to be followed and times when there will be choices presented to pick from. It all does down to the parent self direction and how they handle it and what is being allowed to happen!
If there is one thing i will not stand for, is the abuse of whiny children, the fake cry, the having to repeat myself more than twice, or once depending on the situation. It is to use a clear voice when something is simply unacceptable. It is unacceptable to have to ask your child more than twice to put their shoes on...it is even more unacceptable having to beg them to do it.

The problem is lack of self discipline thus it starts to reflect on our children and how we are with our children. The two polarities here are very strict parents where children are afraid of, or very easy going parents that allow their children to walk all over them.
So NO, I will not be "nice" when it comes down to giving clear directions that are avoided. I raise my voice with self direction (not emotionally) and if that shakens them up a bit, well good, maybe next time they will know that walking all over is NOT allowed with me.

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