Unable to Speak

After talking to Sunette regarding my last post "When I cry" we came to the conclusion that I have a problem when being confronted or enter a conflict with another. When an event like that occurs I tent to withdraw from standing up because I want to avoid being in a conflict with another. What this results in is accumulating mind energy within me (back chat and suppression) leading to me crying as a form of physical release.
I noticed that I have always cried when being upset which means I am unstable within myself to make any common sense responses regarding the issue I am facing. This puts me in a loop every time. I have also created a blockage for myself because inside me I want to communicate the related points but I can't speak them out. Which in terms puts me in a self sabotage point.
"Sunette Spies: So - it's extensive fear that manifests in a moment of facing the conflict, and instead of facing/walking through the fear - the crying them comes to not face the fear and manipulate yourself with the other person so the moment can stop and be suppressed."
I can recall this point of suppression and fear of facing manifesting in past relationships and particularly within a time when I have been called stupid, when my word was not taken into consideration, when I have not been heard by another when I had something to say or when someone has disregarded my words and said I was wrong. I face this point til this day with certain individuals in my world. So this can only mean that this point is eager to come out and be faced no matter how many times I suppress it.
"I wish the other can understand what I am saying" is a common thought that comes up when this point manifests in my life. Which indicates that I am not willing to walk the line and effort of showing the other individual what I am saying. And if it is not understood by the other I need to understand that they are not ready to physically comprehend the essence of what I have said. And I need to understand that point without getting upset at the other for not comprehending me.
What I experience within when I cry is a form of betrayal. As if the other person has betrayed me so deep that after becoming upset I begin to feel self pity. I mean this point is quite extensive in various layers. I feel it energetically as I cry and it I feel how my anger transforms into self pity. I physically experience it as hot and cold flashes.

In a solution while speaking with Sunette regarding this point, I have to view my trust in speaking. Meaning that a layer of why I cannot speak is because I don't trust myself with speaking on the first place. Where this becomes prevalent in a conflict is that my words come out as a reaction rather than a stability point. This leaves me with talking "gibberish" rather than saying and presenting a common sense perspective within the conflict.

More to come as I look at this point!!!!

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