Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Teaching Children to "Please" Us



In one of my class sessions last semester we discussed the problem with using words such as "Good boy/girl!", "Good job!", "Nice work!", "This makes me happy!" and so on.
Those are words we use with our children to show them that they are doing what they are supposed to be doing in their learning process. However the way the words are phrased indicates (in the long term) that we are proud of the child and that the child needs to please us in order for us to be proud of them. The issue is that we ultimately teach the child that they have to please us instead of teaching them to be proud of their themselves.
So a suggestion to showing children that they are "doing a good job" with their learning process is to actually indicate what THEY are doing in that moment, not Subjectively but Objectively. For example, if Lily (a toddler) is bringing her cup to the sink on her own and is ready to wash her hands one may want to say "Thank you Lily for bringing your cup to the sink", or "Lily you are ready to wash your hands!" (with encouraging voice).
By using the method of indicating what the child did "correct" we are expanding their vocabulary, showing them that THEY are doing something for themselves which in terms teaches them self responsibility, independence and confidence.
Many young children look up to adults because they trust them and want to model them, so it is our responsibility as adults to make sure that we show them how to be proud of themselves and in terms "please themselves", to say "I did my homework because I wanted to, because I know I am responsible to do my homework AND not because I wanted to please my parents".


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