I have had a tough first trimester in my pregnancy from the perspective of how I experienced myself within the physical body. Morning sickness began at week 5 and it continued throughout week 13. During those 8 weeks I was not able to function fully around my environment, I felt mostly pissed at every one and suffered at work because I was not in a physical condition to assist the children and create and carry activities throughout the day. I felt tired, the smell of the center made me sick, I experienced distancing myself from the people around me not wanting to be touched. I would go home and sleep, try eating. Any time I needed to do something like my laundry or feed the cats I had to force myself to get up from bed. I experienced myself dizzy, smell of food was repelling and I can only eat a few of certain types of food. I was on the "sandwich" diet. Everything led down to falling away from my "path" at Desteni. I was not willing to write or share or even move myself throughout the day. I constantly wanted to lay and thoughts began to accumulate. In a chat with Sunette we established that I had fallen into a form of a depression. We elaborated on the "I don't want to be touched part" which indicated that I had totally separated myself from the physical and gone into my mind, living in my mind while I was laying down. I thought of all the things I needed to do, but it ended up only as a thought and no real self direction, motivation or initiative to take self direction. At some moments I felt pissed at myself that I had to experience such bullshit as morning sickness. I was driving one time in the car and I cursed at the idea and uselessness of morning sickness.
After the chat with Sunette and beginning to feel alive again (even though the morning sickness was still there just not as bad) I began to pick myself up and to clear up the mess I had created. I am breathing and taking tasks slowly. School began so now I have homework and reading to work on but I am no longer experiencing myself death so to say.
I am looking forward the second trimester and to start enjoying the pregnancy and getting a sense for the baby growing inside of me, start communicating with it. I am to find out the sex at 20 weeks so that should be exiting. I suspect it is a girl, but of course I can be wrong. I know that whatever the sex is it will be what's to be faced and what's to come to it's best presentation...hahah
It's interesting b/c I found myself obsessing over to guess what the sex of the baby is by reading online "predictions" from symptoms to dreams and what not. So I had to breath and let go of this obsession.
This is is for first trimester!
